This is a subject that couples often talk about when considering a birth doula. As a doula, there are two common perspectives I see often. Either relief at the idea of not being solely responsible during labor, or mildly distrustful of the possibility that there will be enough emotional and physical space needed at such an intimate family time. If you are not sure how your partner feels, or how to respond to the uncertainty, a virtual interview with a couple of doulas should help provide clarity.
Here are some suggestions to make the most of your complimentary interview, and ideally land you with the perfect doula for you!
Prenatal preparation covering the tools and comfort measures for early labor boosts partner confidence, making it less likely you will leave for your birth place at the first sign of a contraction. Understanding what to expect reduces anxiety, and your doula is a text or phone call away if needed. In Childbirth Eduction you will talk often about hormone of pregnancy and labor, but in early labor oxytocin reigns, and being alone with your partner beats induction for uncomplicated pregnancies. Early labor and love hormones – learn more!
Not everyone is comfortable in a medical setting. Accepting that this is a fact rather than judgement of willingness or desire to be in the room, allows both of you to use your doula’s skills to get the most out of your birth experience. Afraid of needles? A doula can support while epidurals are being placed and you step out for a drink or snack. Feeling a little claustrophobic? Sometimes a short walk to the lobby is enough to reset and it’s much easier to do that when your favorite person isn’t left laboring alone.
Will he/she still feel as close to you if there is a birth doula offering comfort? Absolutely. Because a partner knows the nuance of your tone, facial expression, or body language, they provide insight into how you are feeling, well ahead of what your nurse, doctor or doula intimate. Knowing how you feel, combined with a skill set of how to meet your needs is teamwork. Making suggestions or where to put pressure, what is normal, or stepping away to let oxytocin work is your doula’s job, in addition to advocacy, distraction, and birth plans.
Won’t the nurse be with us anyway? Yes, your nurse is an amazing support person! Her role is to make sure you and your baby are healthy, but she is not with you as consistently until you begin to push. Your doctor will make regular intermittent visits, more and more often as your baby’s birth is imminent. Continuous care, without obligation to the hospital, comes only from your birth doula. Birth doulas talk and support decisions throughout your labor, as you push, and shortly after you feed your baby for the first time.
When you begin the search for your doula, keep in mind that the goal should always be what you want from the experience, so make sure you are comfortable to share safely.
Even if you don’t know what you want enough to put into words, trust how you feel when you meet candidates, creating a pool of potential ideal choices who fit your budge, due date, and qualifications. Your doula is out there ready to walk with you and your partner to a birth you will remember forever. To schedule a complimentary interview, www.judywhitedoula.com or find me on Doula Match.